You Look Beautiful In A Dress, Edward Elric
by poonjavie
Summary: Ed Elric has to dress like a girl for a secret military assignment. The group can't help but make fun of him. Especially Mustang. (Mild language, cross-dressing humor)


"You know, if you really were a girl I'd be after you in a heartbeat..."

Ed blushed and glared at Roy "Well thank goodness I'm not or I'd have to  
beat your ass."

Mustang grinned and fingered the lace sleeve of Ed's dress delicately. Ed  
smacked his hand away.  
"Oh come on Fullmetal, you know you wouldn't be able to resist me." Mustang drawled, one eyebrow cocked. "On the bright side however, if you really were a girl your shortness wouldn't matter so much..."

"OK THAT DOES IT YOU-!"  
Ed launched his frilly dressed body at Mustang, intent on showing him that he wasn't a little midget pip-squeak…. But, he was held back by Al who had thankfully slapped his hand over Ed's mouth before he could finish the sentence.

"Hmmph mmph ing!" Ed grumbled behind Al's metal hand, desperately trying to break  
free. Winrey snickered and even stolid Hawkeye was smiling by now.

"Oh come on Ed! Now you and I can go shopping for dresses together!" Winrey giggled, her eyes full of evil intent. At least, that's how Ed saw it.

"AL! AS YOUR BROTHER I DEMAND YOU SHUT THEM UP!" Ed had now officially turned bright red with anger. Al chuckled and pushed Ed into a chair.

"So much for brotherly love...after all I've done for you." Ed crossed his  
arms and looked away.

"Come on Ed, stop whining, I'm almost done..." Winrey continued. Something was wrong. Her voice was waaaay too sweet. He looked up and his eyes grew huge when he saw what she was holding.

"Is that?...No! You wouldn't! NO! Don't get near me!"

"Oh jeeze. Ed, you can't go around looking like that! Girls have PLUCKED  
eyebrows!" The tweezers came closer with every word.

Ed wiggled and tried to run away, but a suddenly shirtless Armstrong burst through the doorway and grabbed him in a tight embrace.

"What the hell? Where did you come from? And where the HELL is your  
shirt...again?"

"Who needs shirts when one is this well muscled?!" Armstrong gloated. "And my ability to sneak around has been passed through the Armstrong family for generations..." But Ed didn't hear the rest of the speech. He yelped as the first eyebrow hair was pulled out.

"AHHHH! That hurts!"

"Hehehe. And this is coming from the guy who lived through having auto-mail  
installed, being stabbed, hit, knocked out, smacked, and thoroughly abused on a daily basis. Besides, we girls do this every day."

"Ouch! Yeah but- Ouch! Hey! Ouch! This just confirms what I thought...GIRLS-ARE-CRAZY! OUCH! Who would put themselves in this much- ouch! This much pain every day?"

Everyone in the room either laughed or raised their eyebrows. Except for  
Armstrong who was still holding Fullmetal and flexing his muscles at the same  
time...

A really sheepish expression snuck onto Ed's face. Hmm something about what  
he just said sounded very familiar. It was a question he had been asked many, many times in the past. Oops. Hehe.

"Ok so maybe that was a bad question but- ouch! Damnit are you almost  
done?!"

"Almost...just one more...gotcha! Ok you're all done." Winrey proclaimed proudly, standing back to enjoy her handiwork.

"Finally..." Ed mumbled and stood up. He walked awkwardly in high heels over  
to the door sized mirror and stood there, staring at his reflection. In the  
mirror was a beautiful girl. She had long golden hair that was braided into  
a luxurious rope that hung to the middle of her back. Her bangs were held  
back with a bow that was a soft, sky blue. Huge, expressive, liquid golden  
eyes stared out from under thick lashes. Winrey had applied the mascara so well  
to already thick lashes that it looked totally natural. Light blue  
eye shadow blended into gold on the girl's eyelids. She had soft golden skin  
with rosy cheeks. Dark pink lipstick made beautiful full lips even more so. A  
padded corset added breast and cinched in his tight stomach. A dress skirt  
that flared out right under the waist gave her beautiful curves; so well  
shaped that they would make any man drool.  
Lacy sleeves puffed out around his arms and ended at his wrists. Lace draped from that point to about mid hand. White gloves hid metal and human fingers alike. The dress  
reached to the ankles. The girl was wearing white tights, never giving away  
the presence of a metal leg. Heels added height to her small body. Not to  
mention she had beautiful, well plucked eyebrows. Hint, hint.  
Overall she was the picture of beauty. The dress was light blue in color,  
with gold lacing in the corset and on the sleeves and a golden ruff around  
the neck.  
Her mouth opened in surprise, shocked by her looks...and out came a boy's voice.

"Oh my god! I'm gorgeous!"

Everyone started to crack up. Mustang reached out and grabbed Ed's gloved  
hand.

"See! I told you so!" He theater-whispered.

"Get off me you pervert! I'm still a man you know! Everything under this dress  
is pure male!"

Armstrong wasn't even aware of the exchange...he had just gone off into another story about his amazing heritage. But Al snickered and looked away while Winrey blushed a  
little. Hawkeye rolled her eyes.

"Of course you are Ed." Al said in a soothing voice. He patted Ed on the head gently.

"That's not funny! I AM a guy...just a very pretty one...ugh." Ed covered his face with his hand in defeat. There was no winning this one.

In fact, he was pretty enough to make Psiren or Lust go green with envy; which brought him back to his mission. But that's for later. First they had some procrastinating to do.

Later On-

Ed walked down Central's hallways, surrounded by everyone who had been in the  
room earlier. Winrey and Hawkeye had spent an hour trying to teach him how  
to walk in heels, with little success. Men. Now as he strutted down the hall he collected endless whistles, cat calls, howls, and inappropriate comments from the passing soldiers.

"When I get out of this dress I'm gonna-" He bitched. A moment later  
someone grabbed his ass as they passed. Ed froze in his tracks, golden eyes blazing. No fucking way. Whoever that unlucky soul was...  
He spun around to punch whoever it was to kingdom come but the culprit was  
already running away and sniggering. Ed growled and clapped his hands, ready  
to beat the guy to death with alchemy. But before he could do anything a  
bolt of fire streaked by him and engulfed the man, leaving a very nude and very  
charred guy.

"I went easy on him. He'll heal in about a week or so. But the embarrassment of  
having to run to his corridors naked will last a lot longer."  
Ed turned to stare at Roy who was smirking wickedly. And since of course Ed couldn't  
help it, two little figurative horns grew on his head, and he grinned.

"Someone a little possessive? Or jealous?"  
Mwahaha he chuckled maniacally to himself. There was nothing better than pushing Roy's buttons.

Mustang turned sharply to him.  
"What? I have to protect my job don't I? It wouldn't do well to have you rip  
off your dress and run after him; which would ruin our mission."

Ed's grin widened. "Riiiiiiiiiiiiight"

Suddenly Armstrong was behind Fullmetal, shirtless once again and posing.  
"No worries! I'll protect you!"

Both Ed and Roy snorted and walked off to join up with everyone else, leaving Armstrong to pose for the passer-byes.  
Winrey shot Ed a look. "So Ed, I guess everyone is going to be talking about the  
beauty that stole their hearts for a while eh?"

As if on cue, some military guy ran up, fell to his knees, and held out a sparkling diamond ring to Ed.

"Will you marry me!?" The soldier sputtered, tears forming in his eyes.  
Ed's eyes got huge (along with everyone else's) and he coughed before answering in a fake girlie voice.

"Uhhh...I can't. I already have a boyfriend." He reached out and grabbed  
Mustang who was only too happy to oblige. They guy glared at Roy then  
stomped off, grumbling under his breath to his friends.

"...another girl gone to waste on the Flame Alchemist..."  
"...another one?"  
"...yup and this one's even younger than before."

With a little snap a tiny spark hit the guy right in the butt, making him  
scream. With a smug face Roy pulled Ed forward.  
"Come on dear."

A very chagrined and shocked Ed was dragged along.  
"Damn pervert." He mumbled.

"I heard that! And just because of that little comment, no sex until Saturday!" Mustang  
announced in a jolly voice. That shut Ed up, who was now gaping at Mustang, too shocked to put up a fight. Everyone else in their group also stopped talking and stared at them. Winrey and Hawkeye turned red, and Al would have too if he could. But as it was his eyes grew gigantic on his armor face. Hawkeye shook her head and sighed.  
"I swear one of these days..."

But she never finished her sentence. The group continued down the hall. There was still no sign of Armstrong.  
He was probably still posing somewhere, shirtless.


End file.
